The JOY of climbing to the top!!!! I was so full of joy after I auto-belayed down. I did it!

I actually wasn’t expecting to get to the top. I remember thinking half-way up, this is amazing that I got this far, and I think I’m gonna belay down now. But then I kept scanning a little wider and finding one more rock I could place my hand (or foot) on, and I kept getting higher. And, then lo and behold, I got to the top!!:

Bessel Van Der Kolk says that for healing to happen after trauma, we need to feel ways and do things that “directly contradict the helplessness, rage and collapse that are part of trauma, and thereby regaining self-mastery” (The Body Keeps the Score, page 4). And for me, making lengthening movements, breathing steadily, and moving my body (especially in powerful ways) precisely contradict the trauma of being collapsed in a car, unconscious and not breathing.

When I went climbing yesterday, my body implicitly registered that I’m amazingly free from being crumpled in a car— and free to be present to the life I get to live now (even though it can still be hard and it’s imperfect) and that’s amazing.

Which is probably why I couldn’t contain my joy as I got to the bottom, and was intercepted by my kids and husband. Even right now, I notice a big smile and deep breath, and I feel calm and empowered and energized.

I write with awe and wetness in my eyes (even today, 14 years out) that healing from trauma can happen. And sometimes, there are things we can do— intentionally or unintentionally— to help further our unique healing. How amazing is that. Praise Jesus.

With love, Robyn